Struggling now with anxiety after putting Stanley down

[les26]

Yesterday was a month since we put Stanley down, and we both (mostly me) have been dealing with anxiety. Two weeks ago it was 80 degrees here and I was very agitated thanks to an issue with my parents in the nursing home and late in the afternoon went out to split some firewood, but I was in a big hurry, was ticked off as stated, did not drink much at all that day and about 1.5 hours into it I had a spell when I stood up after leaning over the logsplitter where I could feel my heart going "ba boom, ba boom, ba boom" in my neck, I had no chest pain nor did I feel my heart punding, so I drank some Gatorade and sat down and then finished working, and everyone that I reported it to including my cardiologist and talked to about it said "you were dehydrated". I had a treadmill stress test 1.5 years ago and it was fine. So 5 days later I went out on a day off, started early in the morning, was not ticked off, drank before, during and after and worked even longer than I did that day and I was fine, so I guess that explains that. Then about 9 days later I was at an employees appreciation luncheon, seemed fine, but all of a sudden I had this warm "rush" feeling hit me, I wasn't lightheaded, my heart didn't pound, I just felt weird for a few seconds and continued on. Deb said "maybe you should go get checked out", I couldn't get into my regular doctor so I went to an urgent care place that I have been to in the past, and told the PA all of my issues, from all I deal with with my parents in the nursing home to selling all of their things to lawyers and banks and working full time and sometime overtime, but when I told her "these latest episodes happened after we put our cat down" she said right away "it's grief", and told me that 3 years ago her husband's father died and he thought he was handling it okay but one day took himself to the ER because he told them "I'm having all sorts of weird symptoms" and it was grief. She listened to my heart and lungs and said they were fine, even checked with her supervisor who said there really wasn't much more to do, but said I probably should go to see my doctor just for a checkup, so I did that last week, bloodwork was really good except the "bad" cholesterol is high, he wanted to put me on statins but I am going to try to lose weight and stopped the "stress eating" that I was doing, and I have lost some weight already, and am taking a supplement of red yeast rice and Co Q10 and milk thistle and alpha lineolic acid that is supposed to lower it and I will go from there, my bad levels have been up for years but the "good" cholesterol and Tryglicyerides are normal, so I'll bring this down. I don't eat badly, just really turned to eating too much after supper out of stress, and had little exercise, but that is changing.

But I know that anxiety is a normal part of grieving, and this too will lessen one day. But even a month later we are still in disbelief that such an energetic cat could be lost in a few days to lung cancer, they hide it well but he seemed really good before then, he had some down days (we all do) but nothing bad or long enough to warrant a vet visit, and they told us "we wouldn't have found it back then even if you did bring him in", but this grief is really tough to handle.

I do take Holy Basil and some homeopathic remedies for grief and stress, and have Tryptophan if needed, but again I know it is a normal feeling to have after the shock of losing him plus those two weird episodes scared me too.

Wow...

 

[nurseangel]

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through now. I am not trying to sound scary, but if you have another episode like that, get it checked out right away. It sounds as if you are under a tremendous amount of stress and it's good that you are aware of it.

Please remember that even if they had found the cancer sooner, there likely wasn't anything anyone could have done. The same thing happened to Fuzzy. One day he was fine, the next he was at the emergency animal hospital in the city getting an asthma treatment. Further testing revealed it wasn't asthma. It all happened so fast.

 

[Biomehanika]

Anxiety/generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks/panic disorder are a pain in the arse and can develop at any age, unfortunately, and yes their onset is usually followed by a period of grief/loss that you don’t always realize affected you so much until much later. That combined with all the other traumatic things in your life can add up and do a number on your subconscious psyche, and then your body starts to physically react/manifest them. The mind body relationship is just insane.

I was an absolute fearless wild child as a teenager/in my early 20’s and then my best friend died and just like that I changed completely and started having multiple massive panic attacks every day for years, to the point I couldn’t really leave my house or function at all. At the time I didn’t even fully attribute her death as being the trigger, but it definitely was.

Anyways, I am telling you this because it can and does get better, but the most important thing is to not let it consume you because they can become extremely debilitating, especially if you are worried about another one happening all the time. Having a support system and telling people close to you what is going on helps too. I was too ashamed to do this for the first few years of it and lived alone so I just let myself get consumed by my own thoughts, which is why it got so bad.

It is very important to stop what you’re doing, recognize what is happening, try to stay calm, and try to regulate your breathing when they start up, and remind yourself that it is a panic/anxiety attack and NOT a heart attack, accidental poisoning, or whatever other crazy thing your mind comes up with in the midst of it. Once you fully recognize what is going on with your mind and body and accept/recognize all these feelings that are attributing to your anxiety your nervous system will start to calm down. Is this a cure? No, but I am over a decade into this now after being formally diagnosed and though I still get overwhelmed/anxious sometimes I haven’t had a full blown panic attack in ages. I have one maybe every two years now instead of ten times a day, without medication or any big lifestyle changes (ok that’s a lie, I don’t smoke weed or drink alcohol anymore, or party, or go out anywhere with a ton of people/noise, BUT YEAH lol, those were things I gave up so long ago now that not doing them is just normal to me now). Making moments in your life a little less stressful, even if it’s just for five or ten minutes a few times a day, helps too. You can’t change everything that’s going on in your world but you can take a few minutes to just sit and drink a cup of hot tea and relax with the quiet, little mindful moments like this help tremendously. Whenever I feel a rush of anxiety coming on I make a cup of tea and go lie down for a few minutes if possible. Walks/light exercise/time out in nature is extremely helpful too.

Getting an all clear health wise from your doctor will give you a lot of peace of mind, so definitely do that if there’s anything further you want to investigate, but it sounds like you’re already making big steps towards managing this and I wish you the best and am so sorry about the loss of your kitty.

 

[Margret]

1. Everyone here either has lost a cat or knows that we will one day, so no one here is going to say stupid things to you like "It's just a cat. Get over it!" We know that your cat was a member of your family, and losing a family member is supposed to be painful.
2. TCS is the largest community of English speaking cat lovers in the world. One of the reasons for this is that we have members who live all over the world. This means that when it's the middle of the night where you are, there are other members of TCS for whom it's mid-day. So no matter what time of day you log onto TCS, someone will be here, to give you love and support.
3. Please see this thread; it might help, a little: Grieving

 

[les26]

1. Everyone here either has lost a cat or knows that we will one day, so no one here is going to say stupid things to you like "It's just a cat. Get over it!" We know that your cat was a member of your family, and losing a family member is supposed to be painful.
2. TCS is the largest community of English speaking cat lovers in the world. One of the reasons for this is that we have members who live all over the world. This means that when it's the middle of the night where you are, there are other members of TCS for whom it's mid-day. So no matter what time of day you log onto TCS, someone will be here, to give you love and support.
3. Please see this thread; it might help, a little: Grieving

I actually went back and read a post that I put on here years ago in your thread, that helped me lol!! Thanks for this!!!

And thanks to everyone else too. It is amazing how much pain and anguish it can cause you mentally and physically, and how a lot of the physical symptoms are actually due to the mental pain!!

 

[neely]

It is amazing how much pain and anguish it can cause you mentally and physically, and how a lot of the physical symptoms are actually due to the mental pain!!

There was a time when stress was not taken seriously as a symptom of pain but anyone who has been through a stressful situation or set of circumstances, such as you, knows otherwise. With spring on the horizon I hope you are able to get outdoors, take long walks with Deb and ease the stress you are going though now. Sending special thoughts and healing vibes to you.

 

[AbbysMom]

I've been dealing with some of the same issues as you for the past four years. It's taken it's toll and I ended up the hospital last month. My blood work was so bad it's been a bit of a wakeup call. My mother passed away last month as well and I am slowly trying to get a bit of myself back now. As much as you love your parents I know all too well the toll that is taking on you. Please, please try to take some time for yourself.

 

[denice]

Stress can take a toll on you and most of us get into bad habits with not taking care of ourselves. I got my wakeup call when I went in for my first cataract surgery and my blood pressure was higher than it had ever been. Too high to be 'white coat' hypertension. The good news is that our bodies recover well even at my age which is 68. I cleaned up my diet, started speed walking well what is speed walking for me and taking Superbeets supplements. I had my second surgery this morning which was about a month after my first and my blood pressure was back down.

 

[Margret]

It is amazing how much pain and anguish it can cause you mentally and physically, and how a lot of the physical symptoms are actually due to the mental pain!!

Yes, the mental pain is the root cause of the physical symptoms, and it's vital to deal with that. But sometimes those physical symptoms can be life-threatening; you have to take them seriously.

I live in Colorado, near Denver. Around here, the Denver Broncos (American football team) are practically a religion. I have a theory (never tested) that in Colorado you could go to a funeral or a black tie wedding wearing a Broncos Superbowl Champions hoodie and the only comment anyone would make is "Nice hoodie. Where did you get it?"

So a few decades ago I read an obituary in the newspaper which went into some detail. The deceased was a young woman whose fiance was a member of the Broncos, and one day while the Broncos were on the road for some away games she began having trouble breathing. Her parents took her to the emergency room, where the doctors found out her fiancee was out of town and diagnosed an anxiety attack which would ease as soon as her fiancee got back. They sent her home without treating her. She got worse. Her parents took her back to the ER, with the same result. Eventually she died, of anaphylactic shock from a previously undiscovered allergy.

The obituary was printed in the sports pages, because the most important part of it, from the newspaper's perspective, was that a member of the Broncos had lost his fiancee.

From my perspective, the most important parts of the story were that physical ailments can look like psychosomatic ailments, and vice versa. The thing is, even if her problems really had been caused by anxiety, the most important thing was that she was having trouble breathing, and not breathing kills people. If her symptom had been treated, regardless of the diagnosis, she would likely still be alive.

And the moral of the story? Always take physical symptoms seriously, regardless of the cause.

 

[les26]

Yes, the mental pain is the root cause of the physical symptoms, and it's vital to deal with that. But sometimes those physical symptoms can be life-threatening; you have to take them seriously.

I live in Colorado, near Denver. Around here, the Denver Broncos (American football team) are practically a religion. I have a theory (never tested) that in Colorado you could go to a funeral or a black tie wedding wearing a Broncos Superbowl Champions hoodie and the only comment anyone would make is "Nice hoodie. Where did you get it?"

So a few decades ago I read an obituary in the newspaper which went into some detail. The deceased was a young woman whose fiance was a member of the Broncos, and one day while the Broncos were on the road for some away games she began having trouble breathing. Her parents took her to the emergency room, where the doctors found out her fiancee was out of town and diagnosed an anxiety attack which would ease as soon as her fiancee got back. They sent her home without treating her. She got worse. Her parents took her back to the ER, with the same result. Eventually she died, of anaphylactic shock from a previously undiscovered allergy.

The obituary was printed in the sports pages, because the most important part of it, from the newspaper's perspective, was that a member of the Broncos had lost his fiancee.

From my perspective, the most important parts of the story were that physical ailments can look like psychosomatic ailments, and vice versa. The thing is, even if her problems really had been caused by anxiety, the most important thing was that she was having trouble breathing, and not breathing kills people. If her symptom had been treated, regardless of the diagnosis, she would likely still be alive.

And the moral of the story? Always take physical symptoms seriously, regardless of the cause.

I've been a Broncos fan since 1973 when I was 12 years old in Pennsylvania, so yes I know how fanatical it is out there, especially the 1977 "Miracle" season, my favorite of them all although winning the Super Bowls rank high too!

That is TERRIBLE to hear, you're right, she might still be alive if they would've checked into it a bit more....

 

[les26]

I've been dealing with some of the same issues as you for the past four years. It's taken it's toll and I ended up the hospital last month. My blood work was so bad it's been a bit of a wakeup call. My mother passed away last month as well and I am slowly trying to get a bit of myself back now. As much as you love your parents I know all too well the toll that is taking on you. Please, please try to take some time for yourself.

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are having a tough time, I wish you well...

God Bless

 

[les26]

Stress can take a toll on you and most of us get into bad habits with not taking care of ourselves. I got my wakeup call when I went in for my first cataract surgery and my blood pressure was higher than it had ever been. Too high to be 'white coat' hypertension. The good news is that our bodies recover well even at my age which is 68. I cleaned up my diet, started speed walking well what is speed walking for me and taking Superbeets supplements. I had my second surgery this morning which was about a month after my first and my blood pressure was back down.

Glad to hear things are going better for you!

I am so glad that I had a treadmill stress test 1.5 years ago and all was fine, and so is the doctor. And I truly do believe that the majority of these issues is from the grief of losing our Stanley so suddenly and catastrophically. And I am sure with exercise and not stress eating "junk" after supper like I had been doing and making sure we eat right and some supplements I will be just fine, but it plays mind games with us doesn't it?

I was crying driving to work today saying outloud "I'm so sorry that this happened to you Stan, I feel so bad and I am sorry this happened to you". But I also realized that I am worse in the morning, and for the last few evenings I have been taking a supplement recommended to me by my friend at the health food store to lower cholesterol, but it has red yeast rice, milk thistle, alpha lineolic acid and Co Q10, and I called her and asked if any of those ingredients can detox you, as when I take things that can my mood gets "weird", and she said the milk thistle can, and I could return it and we could try plant sterols instead, so I am going to lay off it tonight and see if I have any anxiety "episodes" tomorrow morning. But the pollen is off the charts here, so maybe that is playing into it, or it could just be the way the grief has to come out.

I talked today to one of our clients that actually is a counselor and works with our clients, she is an amazing woman whom herself is going through some rough times, and she helped me, said all the right things, how we couldn't have known earlier about his cancer, how we loved him and took him in, how he would've died years ago if we didn't, all the right things, but she also told me to write a letter to Stanley, say what I want to say to him, and a few days later write a letter from him to me, what I think he would say to me if he could, and I thought that was a good idea, I will give that a try.

It's a work in progress, I'm just taking it one day at a time....

Thanks for the way you all care

 

[Margret]

The letters are a good idea. Also, it seems to me, when I'm grieving, that it's easiest to get "ambushed" by the grief early in the day. It's as if I need to have a good cry every day for a while, and until I get my daily cry the least little thing will trigger it.

 

[denice]

It's as if I need to have a good cry every day for a while, and until I get my daily cry the least little thing will trigger it.

I have done that. I learned early on that counselors use that technique for people who are prone to excessive worrying. It's a form of compartmentalization. Set aside a time every day to worry. It can be as little as 15 minutes.

 

[les26]

I stopped the Now brand cholesterol lowering pill and the anxiety has dropped down to a small amount, I think it was detoxing me and making me crazy like I thought. I was able to talk to some people who asked about Stanley today without being a mess...